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Talking Things Through

It never ceases to amaze me how often we get so deeply involved in a situation that we lose all perspective. Recently, when coaching a leader I found that they were so focused on the detail that they were missing the bigger picture. To give you an idea of the problem I will simply say that there was a potential conflict area between this MD and the person who reported to them. In turning to me, the MD wanted a tactic to resolve the situation so that they could move forward.

To resolve the issue it was simply a matter of asking them how the MD would feel if they were placed in the same position as their employee. In most of the conversations I have with leaders there needs to be a lot of thinking outside the box, and this is hard to achieve by conversing with oneself. In talking through the situation with someone else, there is a much greater chance that you will be successful in breaching the box, and discovering a potential solution.

The reason for this is simple; By speaking to a coach, or anyone for that matter, the questions that they will pose to you will offer a much broader perspective, because they will be questions you have not asked yourself.

What I find interesting about talking things through with people is that when somebody explains the situation they often leave out crucial elements which need to be understood before I can help. It is vital to discover this hidden information because the thing most often filtered out is the root cause of the problem. People will nearly always tell me the symptoms in great detail, but will rarely reveal the source behind them.

In my original case study, the MD informed me of the symptoms, namely that they had a strained relationship with their employee, and I asked them whether it would be best to deal with the symptoms or the cause. There was only one clear answer. The cause. When we understood the cause we decided that there was a lot that the MD could do the fix the situation, because we realised that the MD was part of the problem. It is so simple to talk about an issue, yet it is so incredibly effective.

“Talk your concerns through with an outsider to understand where other people may be coming from.”